Here’s to now

I have to keep reminding myself that living in the now is better than wishing for someone else’s now, or reliving the past. I am constantly judging myself and comparing myself, living in the shadow of what I think others expect of me. I am learning as I grow, learning as I live. I am sure others feel the same way, admitting it is the worst part, it’s the hardest part to acknowledge that you are in fact a fake. How do you continue to grow if you can’t let go the bad energy. I feel like I am constantly going through this cycle of understanding, trying to change, and then something just pulls me back or pulls me down. I have to adjust myself and my mindset but easier said than done to be comfortable as myself. I sit in my room some days so in awe of the fact that we have a wonderful house, we have multiple cars, and honestly all though things get tight are better than others and I am beyond grateful for my husband who works his ass off to make it all happen, but what do I bring to the party. I feel so grown up sometimes but also so childish and in need of assistance. How do I get out of my own head, how do I break my an cycle. Learning to live in the here and now